I found peace and acceptance when I chose to forgive myself. ✨
There are many events that happened in my life that I kept from myself because I chose not to focus on it. But ignoring it doesn't mean it doesn't exist somewhere inside my body. The good old saying “Your issues are in your tissues” ring true. Even a Harvard University study says that your body reacts to certain triggers stemming from stored energetic patterns in your nervous system. ✨
When I was 21, I had an abortion. I was with my then-boyfriend and we've only been seeing each other for a few months (and we were together for about 3 years- the longest "committed" relationship I had since my break up with my daughter's dad). I remember when I saw the pregnancy strip and I thought that was kind of stupid and I made a quick decision that I'll get an abortion. "It's not even 4 weeks yet." I'd justify myself. At this point in my life, I was quite addicted to cocaine, so my thoughts were always out of control. ✨
I couldn't accept the fact that I was a single mom who recklessly made another human being without being ready for it. And it was a really deep-rooted fear of mine that if I have another child with another man, the same cycle would repeat itself and I'd get cheated on and hurt again.
And my concern was... Who the fuck would date a woman like me if I have 2 children from 2 different men WHO REPLACED ME?
What would people think? 😱 ✨
And because of my lack of self-worth and fear of judgment from others, I decided NOT to keep a child on this planet again. It was a selfish decision, but a decision that really hurt me mentally, emotionally, and physically. The process was intense hours of excruciating pain and regret. But I never talked about it ever again, because I didn’t want to remember the guilt. ✨
The thing is when I ignored the pain and the trauma, it didn’t mean it wasn’t stuck in my body. And it manifested as a physical illness when I had an Ovarian cyst. For so long, I ignored my suffering and told myself I deserved it.
Then one day, while I was looking at myself in the mirror, with some music in the background, I started to talk about it. I was talking to myself AS IF I am another person.
I was talking to myself as if I am my own best friend. It was painful to hold on to it for so long...
And I needed to let it go. Tears in my eyes, I touched my face in the mirror. And I said the words that gave me so much relief and peace...
I told myself, “I forgive you, Ming. It’s okay. What happened has already happened and you can never go back to the past. Just gratitude for the experience. I’m sorry for holding on to this for so long. I am ready to let it go... because I love you. Thank you for this amazing journey of self-reflection, awareness, and love. Thank you. I love you. Thank you.” ✨
Coming from a place of awareness and understanding that CHOICE is a powerful thing, the choice is the ONLY thing that we humans have control over, was a very powerful realization.
Whatever you do in your life, in whatever aspect of your life whether it’s your Mind, Body, Spirit, or even in business...
Absolutely everything is a choice.
At this point it’s either I choose to keep the pain in my body and let myself suffer because of my past, or I can CHOOSE to forgive myself and let go. ✨
You see, humans are born with a golden ticket called CHOICE. You weren’t born to fail, and you weren’t born to be a winner either. You are born with a choice, and your present and future are built upon your choices.
It’s all up to YOU, baby!!! Fucking own that shit! Every single choice you make in your life will either lead you closer to what you desire (in my case, I desire peace) or further away from it. 👏👏👏 —
I use the self-talk and self-reflection in front of the mirror in all my luxury retreats and it’s formally called the Ho'oponopono Meditation (try pronouncing it and saying it 10x without stopping lol) even if you’re not in my retreat, this is a very POWERFUL meditation which I suggest you try at least once...
Let me know on the comment below if you want me to send you a Guided Meditation 🙏🏻💖✨