You might be wondering...
Who the fuck is this young woman dropping wisdom?
So let me tell you.
When people heal from their traumas, they unlock a different perspective and understanding of life.
I’ve always hidden behind my superficial mask. I started running my own Company when I was 21, in the Affiliate Marketing space. I had literally everything I ever wanted. I traveled the world, I bought whatever the fuck I wanted (luxury and branded stuff), I took week-long breaks from work and go to the beach because I had an amazing team that was killing it, and I didn’t have to micromanage them.
I prioritized my health, I gave back through different non-profit organizations, I spent a lot of time with my family...
But for some reason, I couldn’t be by myself... I had panic attacks, and I was dating several men because I wasn’t OK being alone...
I never wanted to be alone.
I was not aware of the extent of my own self-deception.
I backtracked the root cause of my never-ending depression and anger— and found it in places I didn’t know was still stuck in my nervous system. It was from the different life experiences that I never looked back on.
When my grandma was alive, she would spoil the fuck out of me, so whenever I don’t get what I want— I would get it in whatever ways I can. I got caught shoplifting and was caught by the police. My family freaked out and were super disappointed not knowing why I did what I did. People always do things for a deeper reason than we realize. In this case, I was still left misunderstood.
I used to be a bully in high school. A lot of people secretly hated me for being such a fucking bitch lol but the reason why I became that way was that when I was in elementary school, everyone treated me like shit. Boys would always tease me, friends would backstab me calling me weird, and boys I liked never liked me back because I was “ugly”.
What made it worse was when I found out that my dad had another child from another woman, and my mom or my siblings didn’t know it, and because we were in a “Catholic community”, things like these should stay hidden because everyone will start talking about you.
So I had to keep that secret hidden. And that caused a LOT of anger inside of me. A lot of distrust from people.
A lot of frustration and fear.
I fell in love in college and because I was already so fucked up in my mind, I lied to him so I could make him stay. I lied about being sick, and I purposely got pregnant to try to make him stay.
I thought he would stay if we had a child together. But who would want to stay with a woman that doesn’t even know herself?
I was raped twice by 2 different men.
The first one was when I was in college and was still a virgin, the second one was when I started working for this Korean guy and got drunk from bottles of soju.
I was so angry at everyone, and I was angry at myself. Victim mindset at its peak.
There were more events that happened in my life that would be a novel to read but it was all those experiences in my life that shaped me.
It made me who I am. I was so angry and I didn’t ever want to deal with myself because I was keeping shit inside of me.
Remember, whatever pain or trauma you are keeping from yourself, that might already be manifesting in your physical body, and that’s how I got sick. But there is always a way out. The thing is, the only way is through.
So I had to be very HONEST with myself.
I looked back at my past and all the memories that haunted me that kept it hidden from my conscious mind so I can live my life not dealing with it. But just because you don’t see the sea creatures at the bottom of the ocean, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
So I started healing them all one by one. Man, it was NOT a pretty process. It was intense. I started to tap deeper into my spirituality and I tried different psychedelics to help with my healing process. I cried I screamed, I felt lots of emotions I never ever wanted to feel... And I came to the conclusion that all of the events that happened in my life are my choices.
I chose to steal to get what I wanted.
I chose to hide my family’s secret.
I chose to go to party and got raped.
I chose to lie about who I really am.
I chose to try to forget the painful memories so I can go on with my life.
I chose to have a victim mindset, and because of that, I was always angry.
I chose to stay silent.
And the choices I made were all based on fear.
And because of that awareness, now I consciously choose my decisions based on love. And every single day I am extremely grateful for who I am and where I see myself going. I am extremely grateful for my past experiences and the people who I shared my life with.
I choose love, I choose gratitude, and I choose FORGIVENESS.
Forgiving others is one thing, but forgiving MYSELF was the best thing.
And this is why I share what I share, because no matter where you are in your journey, there are painful choices you’ve made and painful memories that have happened in your life that you can never take back.
And that’s OK. That’s life!!
The secret is to go back and heal those memories, love those memories, be grateful for those memories no matter how much it hurt you, so you can live your life with passion, purpose, freedom, happiness, and peace.
I truly want people to free themselves from the cages that they’ve built. Because my life isn’t something I run away from anymore, it’s something I dive deep in every single day. And I feel immense gratitude for it.
When you are ready to heal so you can live your life, you can either attend @inneractivationretreat or you can work with me directly.
Either way, know that you will NEVER get broke by investing in yourself and your growth and freedom.